Q&AI: Handling Difficult Team Members
Adapted from https://www.linkedin.com/advice/3/how-can-you-handle-difficult-team-members-product-fnfif
More about our Q&AI series: https://www.productteacher.com/articles/new-series-q-ai
Handling tense interpersonal relationships is a critical skill for product managers, enabling them to maintain team productivity and foster a positive work environment.
Below, we dive into practical strategies and insights to effectively manage challenging team dynamics, ensuring product development stays on track and team members thrive.
LinkedIn’s question on identifying root causes
Before you try to resolve any conflict or issue with a difficult team member, you need to understand why they are behaving that way. Is it because they have a personal problem, a skill gap, a different perspective, a lack of motivation, or a misunderstanding? By identifying the root cause, you can tailor your approach and avoid making assumptions or judgments. You can also empathize with their situation and show them that you care about their well-being and success.
Clement, what are your thoughts here?
Clement’s response on identifying root causes
It's easy to throw up our hands and label someone as "difficult," but reality is often more nuanced!
Think about times in the past when other people labeled you as "difficult" - you likely weren't actually being difficult for the sake of being difficult.
Instead, you had specific perspectives and context that others hadn't yet realized. You were probably clashing with others due to structural communication gaps.
Therefore, provide the same grace to others that you provide to yourself.
You're not difficult, you're reasonable; you just have a different mental model of the world.
The same thing applies to everyone else!
People tend to succeed more often once they've removed the concept of "a difficult person" from their vocabulary.
LinkedIn’s question on communication
One of the most important skills for a product manager is communication. You need to communicate your vision, goals, expectations, feedback, and decisions to your team members in a clear and respectful way. You also need to listen to their concerns, ideas, opinions, and feedback in a constructive and open-minded way. Communication can help you build trust, rapport, and alignment with your team members, even the difficult ones. You can use various tools and channels, such as emails, meetings, chats, or surveys, to communicate effectively and frequently with your team.
Clement, what are your thoughts here?
Clement’s response on communication
I prefer reversing the order here.
We shouldn't start with "communicating"; we should start with "listening."
Start with a simple question: "How do you feel about the way that we're working together right now?"
Listen.
Then ask more questions: "Where do you feel we could be collaborating more effectively? What suggestions do you have for modifying our way of working?"
Listen again.
Then ask even more questions: "I could be totally off base here, but I'm sensing resistance. What pieces of the puzzle am I missing?"
Listen even more.
Before we "communicate", keep the following in mind:
Every person wants to be heard, understood, and respected.
If they don't feel that from you yet, they're not going to listen to your communications!
LinkedIn’s question on private conversation
If you have a difficult team member who is disrupting the team's performance or morale, you need to address the issue directly and privately. Avoid ignoring, avoiding, or escalating the issue without talking to the person first. Instead, have a one-on-one conversation with them and explain the impact of their behavior on the team and the product. Use specific examples and facts, not emotions or opinions. Give them a chance to explain their side of the story and acknowledge their point of view. Then, work together to find a solution that works for both of you and the team.
Clement, what are your thoughts here?
Clement’s response on private conversation
Anti-patterns to avoid:
1) Don't complain about the person behind their back.
Word travels fast, and you don't want to be seen as a PM who can't handle conflict.
As you complain more, your mindset becomes more negative. You become less likely to see them as a peer with valuable insights and valid needs; you become more likely to see them as a problem.
2) Don't play the triangle game. Don't escalate to your manager, their manager, or other managers until you've tried to work it out with them.
3) Don't escalate as a threat. If you can't work it out, escalate compassionately:
"It looks like the two of us can't solve this on our own. Are you comfortable with me bringing in both of our managers to figure out how to move forward?"
LinkedIn’s question on providing support
Sometimes, a difficult team member may need some support and guidance to improve their skills, attitude, or behavior. As a product manager, you can provide them with coaching, mentoring, training, or feedback to help them grow and develop. You can also set clear and realistic goals and expectations for them and monitor their progress and performance. You can also recognize and reward their achievements and improvements and celebrate their successes. By providing support and guidance, you can motivate them to perform better and contribute more to the team and the product.
Clement, what are your thoughts here?
Clement’s response on providing support
Instead of one-size-fits-all, tailor your support to their specific needs.
Start by understanding their behavior. Many times, their challenge comes from "not seeing a viable path forward."
That's why sometimes, pairing them with teammates can help accelerate their growth and ease the challenge.
People learn from others, after all! When they see how others navigate challenges, they're more likely to do so on their own.
And of course, feedback is a two-way street. Encourage them to share their thoughts on team processes, and ask them where you can improve.
Ultimately, we want to unlock their potential to contribute to the team and the product!
We don't want them to spin their wheels and be frustrated, so it's our duty to unblock them.
LinkedIn’s question on involving others
In some cases, you may not be able to handle a difficult team member by yourself. You may need to involve other stakeholders, such as your manager, HR, or other team leaders, to help you resolve the issue. You can ask them for advice, feedback, or intervention, depending on the severity and nature of the issue. You can also document the issue and the actions you have taken to address it and share it with the relevant stakeholders. However, you should only involve other stakeholders as a last resort and after you have tried to handle the issue by yourself.
Clement, what are your thoughts here?
Clement’s response on involving others
Emphasis on "last resort" - as soon as you loop others in, things will likely get muddy fast.
When two people are solving friction with each other, there's only one "handshake" to manage: the interaction between person A and person B.
When you pull in a third person, now you've got 3 interactions to manage: A & B, A & C, B & C.
Pull in a fourth person, and now you have 6 interactions.
Pull in a fifth person, and now you've got 10 interactions to manage.
That's why you really shouldn't pull in your manager, their manager, and/or HR until you're absolutely certain that the two of you aren't able to sort it out on your own.
(Caveat: if there's something that violates the law or company policy, you need to loop in leaders ASAP!)
LinkedIn’s question on positive mindset
Finally, you should try to focus on the positive aspects of your team and your product, rather than the negative ones. You should appreciate the diversity and strengths of your team members and leverage them to create a better product. You should also celebrate the milestones and achievements of your team and your product and share them with your stakeholders. You should also maintain a positive and optimistic attitude and inspire your team to do the same. By focusing on the positive, you can create a more productive and enjoyable work environment for yourself and your team.
Clement, what are your thoughts here?
Clement’s response on positive mindset
In the majority of cases, conflict doesn't come from malice. Other people aren't trying to make you fail.
Conflict comes from having different contexts. So, when someone is being "difficult", one question to ask is "what context am I missing?"
Some teammates are risk-averse when facing process change. They don't want to lose the old way of doing things, even if you think your way is "better."
Too often, I see PMs try to bulldoze through these situations, without asking "how did these old behaviors help them in the past?”
Old habits are habits for a reason - they helped people avoid blame, or helped them stay focused, or helped them create an identity.
Don't assume that someone is being difficult for the sake of being difficult!
Clement’s other thoughts
Many times, people "become difficult" when we've failed them.
As PMs, it's our responsibility to proactively empower others to succeed!
Regularly asking "how are you doing?" and "what suggestions do you have for me?" can go a long way in building trust and fostering a positive atmosphere within the team.
By considering the holistic well-being of your team members, you not only address immediate challenges but also contribute to their long-term growth and happiness in the workplace!
